In Black Ink
by AshleighAishwarya
Summary: The Spartan-IV project is underway. However, Jun takes a moment from his work with the program to pin down his thoughts.
1. January 17th

**Hello, everyone! Ashleigh here, and I finally get to dive into all the Halo stories I plan to do! **

**Here's something I've wanted to do ever since I found out that everyone's favorite sniper handpicked Palmer to be in the Spartan-IV program. Before Halo: Initiation came out, my imagination ran wild, but I writing a Darksiders fic at that point, so I had to wait until I could finish that and perhaps even wait until the comic came out. Now that Issue #2 came out, I decided to make it a *little* to canon, but with a little things of my own (courtesy of my wild imagination).**

**There will be some info that I took out from a Noble Team story I plan to write in the future, as well as some characters from another Jun story, but I'll inform you guys when I write something in here that's meant to be from another story. **

**Also, I had planned for this to be a one-shot, but considering the length of this one journal entry alone, I think it's be more than one!  
**

**So enjoy! :) **

* * *

**Halo ****–**** Jun-A266 ****–**** "In Black Ink"**

* * *

**Location: HIGHCOM Facility Bravo-6  
Sydney, Australia.  
17****th**** January, 2553**

_**January 17**__**th**__**, 2553**_

_Surprised? _

_I know. I'm not the kind to write. But I think that recent events make it justifiable to keep a little journal. _

_Where shall I begin? _

_I'm alive, but hurt. In fact, I'm unfit for active duty. _

_After I said my goodbyes to Carter, Emile and our newest recruit, Misha, I escorted Dr. Halsey to CASTLE base. It was only a matter of time before the Covenant would strike. They attacked after a few days. The remaining UNSC soldiers didn't make it. It was all me. So I told her to seal all doors and I fought them off the best I could. _

_The last thing I remember was facing a red and purple sky, and then I passed out. When they found me, they told me I was lucky to be alive. _

'_Lucky'? I don't think so. _

_But perhaps I should be grateful. At least, that's what Death always tells me. _

_Death is my little personal A.I., and the only one I've got left. I was told that the rest of Noble Team didn't make it. _

_While I recovered, I was seeing a therapist. And you know how I feel about therapists. Not like I had a choice, anyway. I would always come back to my office in a bad mood. But once Death was created, I always spoke with him, and he made things a lot better. He understood. _

_Of course he would. He was created from me. _

_Last month, while I recovered in a medical facility, a Commander approached me. His name was Musa. He used to be a Spartan-II, just like Jorge. Good ol' Jorge. Miss him like hell. I miss all of them. Anyway, Musa told me he was going to propose a new batch of Spartans, the Spartan-IVs. He wanted me to help him. Be the second-in-command if it's approved. I said yes. _

_At the beginning of this month, it was approved! We were going to create the Spartan-IVs, full of only consenting adults. My job? Run around and grab some potential recruits, oversee their process through and after the augmentations and put them in teams. _

_Musa told me I could have an A.I. to assist me, if I wanted to. To me honest, I was a little skeptical. Considering the fact that the whole of Noble Team was destroyed all for one A.I., you gotta understand. But when Musa told me that the A.I. would be created from a flash clone of my brain, I supposed it was okay, in a way. _

_He calls himself 'Death'. His avatar color is the same shade of green I used to have my armor in. He's wearing a hooded cloak with the hood up, but he's actually faceless – just a black, gaping hole. Underneath that cloak is, and I never would've guessed it, is an exact representation of my armor. NO KIDDING. In addition, and it gets better: he's carrying a large scythe that's as tall as he is. _

_His personality? He's exactly like me, and that's not even weird. He speaks in a Slavic accent and is very formal. And he has every single one of my memories. __Every. __Single. __One.__ When he's mad at someone, he screeches at them. Really deafening, mind you. And he has the ability to appear life-sized. Cool, right?_

* * *

"Jun?"

Before he could write a new statement, he glanced up at the A.I. console that beamed to life.

"It is getting rather late. Come on. Go get some rest. We leave for Lockhart Medical Station first thing tomorrow."

Jun flashed a grateful smile at the A.I. "I suppose, Death. Thanks. Good night."

"Sweet dreams."

* * *

_I interview my first potential recruit tomorrow. Her name is Sarah Palmer. Let's see if she's up for it. _

_As I was saying, well in this case, writing, Death is amazing company and I appreciate everything. But I guess a guy's gotta be alone with his own thoughts every now and then. And I think I'd like my more personal thoughts to be pinned down in black ink._

* * *

**A/N: Here's part 1! I hope you guys liked it and stay tuned for more :) **


	2. January 18th

**Halo ****–**** Jun-A266 ****–**** "In Black Ink"**

* * *

**Location: Lockhart Medical Facility  
18****th**** January, 2553**

"So? What did you think?"

As Jun made his way to the landing bay so he could catch his ride back to HIGCOM Facility Bravo-6, he decided to engage in conversation with his personal A.I.

"She has potential, as we have previously discussed. I still see a 'lone wolf' in that girl," said Death, as he appeared visible and sat on Jun's shoulder. "Better keep a vigilant eye on that one." He playfully poked his scythe against Jun's cheek.

To that, the Spartan-III smiled. "Our first recruit. But we have a ways to go, don't we?"

"Indeed, little Spartan. We still have Edward Davis, Yeong-Hao Holst, Vladimir Scruggs and Joel Thomas to go. I have their locations. We can visit them all within a week. Or less, if you wish."

"I think Musa would appreciate it if we get it down sooner, don't you?"

Death shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose. David and Scruggs are located at another medical facility. Holst and Thomas are stationed at a base back on Earth. Who shall we see first?"

Jun thought about that for a bit. "David and Scruggs then. Let's do that tomorrow."

"Ah, ah, ah," Death wiggled his armored finger at the Spartan. "Not tomorrow, little Spartan. You have a therapy session scheduled."

Jun muttered something in Russian under his breath in displeasure as his palm connected with his face.

To that, Death chuckled amiably. "Just get it over and done with."

"How long would I have to deal with this, Death?" He questioned.

"Until your condition improves."

"But I'm _fine_!"

"Jun," Death called out for him in a concerned manner. So he knew it was the cue for him to stop walking and look at his A.I. So he did. "You know as well as I do that you are not alright. Not yet, at least. You still have many issues in your heart that need to be sorted out."

Jun turned his head away in further discontentment.

"Now, now, little Spartan," Death said affectionately. "Do not despair. I am here for you. You can complain to me all you like once the session is over."

* * *

**Location: HIGHCOM Facility Bravo-6  
Sydney, Australia.**

_**January 18**__**th**__**, 2553  
**__I didn't want to admit it but Death was right. There were still so many things I had in my heart that I didn't speak of thoroughly or didn't want to speak of at all. _

_Whenever I wanted to talk to Death, he was ready. He always knew what was in my heart and was ready to listen and advise me too. Like I said, Death has every single one of my memories. He knows of all the horrors I've seen and been through. So he totally understands. _

_But understanding is not enough. I need solutions. _

_My own mind has become my personal Hell. I can't stop thinking about past events and they keep driving me crazy. The last time I had such trauma, I covered it all up. Found that being around friends, joking around, I was able to distract myself. But when I'm all alone, it starts. _

_Sometimes I wonder how Death deals with it. If he knows everything, surely there's a part of him that's just as traumatized and __frightened__ as I am right now. Maybe there is, and he just keeps it locked away somewhere. _

_I wished humans could do that to. _

_That's all for today, I guess. I think I'll speak to Death a little more before I turn in. Another therapy session tomorrow…_

* * *

Jun shut the journal and buried his face in his hands, sighing heavily.

A few seconds later, he felt something poking the top of his head. When he removed his hands, he was staring into a gaping black hole.

"I sense that my little Spartan requires a talk from his little A.I."

Jun smirked at Death, realizing that his A.I. was now activating one of his abilities – the ability to appear life-sized. Death pulled away from leaning over the desk and kept his tall scythe close to him.

"I know you are dreading therapy tomorrow, Jun, but you have no choice in the matter," He reminded. "Perhaps if you put a little effort into actually speaking to the doctor, you might get some solutions."

Jun leaned against the chair. "What, you peeking into my journal now?"

Jun somehow felt a smile come from the A.I. "It has been 2 weeks, Jun. 2 weeks," He held up two fingers. "I think it is a reasonable amount of time to fully understand you. Oh! And I believe that I… obtained every single one of your memories?" He then gasped dramatically, to further emphasize his sarcasm. "YES, I DID."

Jun leaned forward to rest his head in the palm on his hand, still smirking.

"I know you inside and out, Jun," He said. "I know what you are feeling, what you are thinking. Some may call it disturbing but…" He shrugged his shoulders. "They simply never had an artificial intelligence created from the mind of their carrier."

Now the Spartan knew exactly where his A.I. was going.

"You can write and write all you want in black ink, Jun. You can never hide anything from me."

Jun glanced down at his journal, suddenly finding it hard to look at his A.I. companion to ask his question. "How do you do it, Death?"

Death titled his head at him. "Do what?"

"I mean, do you ever feel trapped by the painful memories you inherited?"

Death took a few seconds to reply. "Well, little Spartan… when I created, I felt like I was meant to be somebody else. What with all the memories and feelings and the personality I had. They felt like they were not mine to claim. Then I was told that I was created from you and that you would be my carrier. Immediately, I understood what all of the memories, both good _and _bad meant. So to answer your questions, Jun, no: I don't feel trapped by those horrible memories you possessed. Because I locked them away."

He narrowed his eyes at the A.I. "Locked them away? How?"

"Because I am that talented," He said with much amusement in his voice.

And Jun managed to grin at that. "Yes, you are, Death. Thanks."

"Do not mention it, my little Spartan. Just give therapy a try, alright? And I'll see you tomorrow."

The Spartan nodded with understanding. "Sure, Death. Good night."

And the A.I. disappeared in a cloud of sage-colored mist.

However, Jun quickly his pen and opened the journal to write down something new under the same entry:

_It's time to give therapy a try. At least for Death's sake. Because the last thing I want is for him to dig into those memories and harm himself like how I'm doing to myself._

* * *

**A/N: More dialogue than intended, but hope it's okay :) More coming your away! **


	3. January 19th, 25th, 26th, 28th

**Halo ****–**** Jun-A266 ****–**** "In Black Ink"**

* * *

**Location: HIGHCOM Facility Bravo-6  
Sydney, Australia.**

_**January 19**__**th**__**, 2553  
**Gave therapy a try, as promised. _

_No, I still don't like it that much. I just don't like talking to strangers about my problems. _

_Thank God for Death._

* * *

_**January 25**__**th**__**, 2553  
**__I've been thinking a lot about her. Celestina. _

_It's been about 7 years I think, since I last saw her. I wonder how she is now. She was discharged from the program after being diagnosed with Acute Stress Disorder. I__t's actually been happening through her entire career; the girl watched her whole family die. She's just being human.  
_

_Celestina was just sick and tired of ignoring her feelings. And one of them was her feelings towards me. Had I had known about it earlier, I would have made the first move a long time ago. _

_Ha ha. Please. I wouldn't even know where to begin._

_She was a great Spartan, but an even better friend. She was the only one who loved my excessive talking. Even Emile had to tell me to shut up. But not Celest. _

_And right now? Right now, I'd really give anything to know anything about her current situation right now._

* * *

_**January 26**__**th**__**, 2553  
**Death is awesome. _

_Yesterday, he sensed I had something else on my mind. I confessed about Celestina and guess what he did? _

_He found her file. _

_I have no idea what kind of protocols he might have broken for that, but if he's as stealthy as I was at one point, then he's safe. I hope. _

_She's now at a base called Starwave back here on Earth as a marksman trainer. Her psychological file states that she's doing well. It was good to hear that. Because I really miss her. Always have. _

_Same goes for loving her._

* * *

_**January 28**__**th**__**, 2553  
**__I've been overseeing their augmentation procedures. Palmer, Davis, Holst, Scruggs and Thomas are doing well. In fact, better than expected. It will take them a while to learn how to walk again, but Death and I will be there for them. _

_If they turn out to be the next best thing, you can bet we'd be having volunteers soon. But since when has being a Spartan been an easy thing? I know what it's like. The 2s and 3s know what it's like. _

_So I'm going to make sure that I take good care of them all._

* * *

**A/N: Alrighty. So, Celestina is a main character from an upcoming Jun fic of mine called "Love at Long Range". But due to lack of inspiration on how to develop it, I won't be writing it anytime soon x(  
**

**The next chapter will be the last one, for now. When I do have new ideas, I'll be sure to revisit this story :)**


	4. February 20th

**Halo ****–**** Jun-A266 ****–**** "In Black Ink"**

* * *

**Location: HIGHCOM Facility Bravo-6  
Sydney, Australia.**

_**February 20**__**th**__**, 2553  
**So. I just received word at the memorial is on the 3__rd__ of March. _

_My problem is: I don't know if I want to go. _

_I woke up this morning and Death told me the news. And I began to think of reasons _not _to go. _

_Sudden realization. If I were to go, I'd have to say goodbye to everyone I'd ever lost during this war. And I don't want to say goodbye. Because goodbyes were forever. What if I want to hold on a just a little longer? Is that a bad thing? _

_Yes, I know I'd have the memories. But memories were painful. Knowing that there are no goodbyes between me and those I've lost makes me feel a little better. _

"Jun?"

Death was standing before his carrier, at the edge of his desk. He held is scythe close to him as he addressed the former Spartan.

"Yes?"

Death almost sounded unsure of himself. "I… do not mean to pry…"

A smile made its way to Jun's lips. "But you're going to, anyway."

"I have to. I am… detecting some negative ambiances from you as you write. Will this have anything to do with the news I gave you this morning, Jun?"

"Man, it's hard to hide anything from you, Death."

"I am simply concerned, Jun," He said. "You seem more agitated today. Please. Let me assist you."

He bit his lower lip at that. He knew Death meant well but… "You're a gem, Death, but it's a little tough to explain."

"Oh," Death said as if he completely got it. "Then perhaps I shall break into your journal while you are asleep. I am sure I can understand what has been written in black ink."

Though Jun should be feeling threatened, he felt like laughing. "You're acting too much like me that it's really _beginning _to seem disturbing."

"Please, Jun. You are breaking my little heart," He placed one hand over it. "Not that I have one. Why do you not want to attend the memorial service on the 3rd?"

Bright blue eyes widened at him.

"A typical, yet simple conclusion to come to," Death said. "And you have just confirmed it. So tell me, little Spartan, why not?"

Jun glanced down at his twiddling thumbs, an action that he was not even aware that he was doing. "Because I don't want to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?"

"Isn't that what memorial services are for, Death? Saying goodbye to the people you've lost, to the people you've tried so hard to save? Well guess what? I'm not ready to say goodbye. In fact, I don't want to say goodbye."

"And why not?"

"Because saying goodbye is the same thing as letting go. And when you do let go… all you have are the memories," He took a moment to wince, suddenly feeling his heart squeeze. "And memories are painful. While they are supposed to provide you with comfort, they are causing you more pain. And I can't take it. I can't take it, Death. It's too much. It's _always _been too much. Back at CASTLE base, I lay on the ground, bleeding to death, waiting to finally die. But no. I get _recused_ and I get to live, but not to fight. There were so much other people who died but they could have taken my place. The rest of Alpha company… all of my Headhunter partners… Shadow Team…"

Death knew Jun had no control of himself at this moment. So he shut kept his mouth shut until he knew it was time to speak.

A faked laugh came to the Spartan-III. "Noble Team… All of them, _gone_. But me? I'm still here. _Why _am I still here? Why do I get to live, but all of my friends get to die? I'm going to have to battle all of these questions and I don't need a memorial service to make me feel even worse about myself."

Death made sure to be the most honest that he could be before he would speak. "Jun, my little Spartan… you and I are no different. In fact, we are the same. First of all, let me assure you that I knew that you would say all of what you have just told me. And second… Jun, memories are not meant to cause pain. They are meant to keep the people you have lost close."

That prompted the former Spartan to look at him.

"Nobody wants pain, yes… but the pain does keep one alive," He took a few steps closer to his carrier. "And you are alive because there are Spartans out there who need you to guide them. Please do not question your survival. You have been gifted with it time and time again. You are truly meant to stay here and be more."

"Well…" Jun leaned forward. "Why doesn't it feel like it?"

He felt the A.I. smile however. "You shall feel like that eventually. Perhaps you need to let go first. Goodbyes do not have to be forever, Jun. We would all see each other once again somehow."

As he rested his head on his hand, a real smile formed on his lips. "How are you so intelligent, Death?"

"Just like how you are gifted with the gift of life over and over again, little Spartan, I have been gifted with sheer intelligence. And yes, you may begin to feel oh so jealous of me."

He gave a warm chuckle. "Get out of here."

Death returned the chuckle. "I shall be here. Just yell for me." And so, he disappeared.

"Sure." Jun was left alone with this thoughts and his journal. He decided to finish off the current entry before he would have to resume his duty.

_Perhaps Death was right: goodbyes don't have to be forever. Maybe they all are waiting on the other side. _

_Yes, the gift of surviving is a funny thing to receive. Not that I don't appreciate it, but sometimes enough was enough. But it seems like I have another chance so I might as well live. I have the Spartans to look out for, so I might as well dedicate my life to this program and develop the Spartans to be the best that they can be. _

_They __will__ be the best and they will make me proud to be able to live again._

* * *

**A/N: Well, that's it for now! It was nice to do a short story once again, especially one based on my favorite Noble member!  
**

**Hope you enjoyed! I'll be sure to update whenever a new idea pops up :) **

**Much love,  
Ash ;) **


End file.
